Graduate School Barbie Joke

moleculardude · #1 (**permalink**) 06-16-2007, 04:22 PM

Graduate School Barbie comes in two styles!
Delusional Master's Barbie (tm) and Ph.D. Masochist Barbie (tm).

Every Graduate School Barbie comes with these fun-filled features
guaranteed to delight and entertain for hours:

* Grad School Barbie comes out of the box with a big grin on her face
that turns into a frown after 2 weeks or her first advisor meeting
(whichever comes first).

* Adorable black circles under her delightfully bloodshot eyes!

* Two outfits: a grubby pair of blue jeans with 5-year-old gap T-shirt,
and a floppy pair of gray sweatpants with a matching "Go Screw
Yourself" T-shirt!

* Grad School Barbie talks! Just press the button on her left hand and
hear her say such upbeat grad school phrases as,
"Yes, Professor, It'll be done by tomorrow"
"I'd love to write it all over again"
"Why didn't I just get a job, I could have been making $40,000 a year
by now if I had just started working with a Bachelor's degree. But
noooooo, Mom and Dad wanted a masters degree" and
"I wish somebody would drop a bomb on the school so that I'd
have an excuse to stop working on this degree that's sucking every
last drop of life force out of my withered and degraded excuse for
a soul..." (9 V lithium batteries sold separately)

* Grad School Barbie is anatomically correct! Experience the exciting
changes that come with pursuing a higher education! Removable panels
on Barbie's head and torso allow you to watch as her cerebellum fries
to a crispy brown, her heart race at 150 beats per minute, and her
stomach lining gradually dissolve into nothing!

Deluxe Grad School Barbie comes with specially designed eye ducts.
Just add water and watch Grad School Barbie burst into tears!
Fun for the whole family!

Other accessories include:

* Grad School Barbie's Fun Fridge (tm). Well stocked with microwave
popcorn, Coca-Cola, Healthy Choice Bologna (99% fat free!),and
small bottle of Mattel Brand Rum (tm).

* Grad School Barbie's Medicine Cabinet ',". Comes in Fabulous Pink
and contains Barbie sized bottles of Advil, St. Johns Wort, Zantac, and
your choice of three fun anti-anxiety drugs! (Barbie Medicine Cabinet
not available without a prescription).

* Grad School Barbie's Computer Workstation. Comes with miniature
obsolete PC (pink of course), rickety desk, and over a dozen miniature
Mountain Dew cans to decorate your workstation (Mountain Dew deposit
not included in price, tech support sold separately. Miniature
cigarette butts and Oreo packages also available)

And Grad School Barbie is not alone! Order now and
you'll get two of Barbie's great friends!

GRADUATE ADVISOR KEN: Barbie's mentor and advisor in her quest
for increased education and decreased self esteem.

Grad Advisor Ken (tm) comes with a supply of red pens and a
permanent frown. Press the button to hear Grad Advisor Ken deliver
such wisdom as:

"I need an update on your progress"
"I don't think you'll be ready to graduate this spring" and
"This is no where near ready for publication."

REAL JOB SKIPPER: When Barbie needs to talk, she knows that she can
always count on her good friend Real Job Skipper (tm), who got a job
after getting her bachelor's degree. Press the button to hear Real
Job Skipper say: "Sometimes I wish I went for my masters degree"
and "Work is so hard! I had to work a half an hour of overtime!"
Real Job Skipper's Work Wardrobe, Savings Account, and New Car sold
separately. (WARNING: Do not place Grad Student Barbie and Real Job
Skipper too close to each other, as there have been several mysterious
cases of children leaving the room and coming back to find Barbie's
hands mysteriously fused to Skipper's throat.)

From: "Little Frank"