new element discovered

Heaviest Element Yet Known To Science

Seems that this new element exists practically everywhere, but because
it is inert, no one recognized it until the major research institution
was given a mega-dollar government grant to determine why everything
slowed down around governmental bodies.

The recent hurricanes and gasoline issues are proof of the existence of
a new chemical element. A major research institution has recently
announced the discovery of the heaviest element yet known to science.
The new element has been named "Governmentium."

Governmentium(Gv) has one neutron, 25 assistant neutrons, 88 deputy
neutrons, and 198 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass
of
312. These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons,
which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called
peons.

Since Governmentium has no electrons, it is inert. However, it can be
detected, because it impedes every reaction with which it comes into
contact.

A minute amount of Governmentium can cause a reaction that would
normally take less than a second, to take over four days to complete.
Governmentium has a normal half-life of 4 years; it does not decay, but
instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant
neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places.

In fact, Governmentium's mass will actually increase over time, since
each reorganization will cause more morons to become neutrons forming
isodopes.
This characteristic of moron promotion leads some scientists to believe
that Governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a critical
concentration.
This hypothetical quantity is referred to as critical morass.

When catalyzed with money, Governmentium becomes Administratium, an
element which radiates just as much energy as Governmentium since it
has half as many peons but twice as many morons.